Simple Pleasures

If you were to ask me two weeks ago if I'm happy using SCB for the past 3 years, I'd say yes. But after what happened, I will be closing it for the ff. reasons:

1. Poor customer service. They make promises they can't keep especially under pressure.
2. Slow action on reversals that has been requested. Although I have to say that my previous reversals went smoothly, this time it took them two weeks to have my reversals acted accordingly. I have given them a phone call two friday ago and they posted my request 3 days later which I find totally unacceptable.
3. Buggy system. If their system accidentally transferred my Mastercard payments to my EZpay account, what more if they transfer it into somebody else's account? Is this the kind of system where you can trust your money with?
4. Lack of seamless communications. Their customer service don't have any rights on the system and will redirect you instead to their "Accounts Specialists" aka Collections. Thus, instead of having to explain your case to them, you have to repeat your story to them again. In my situation, I had about ten phonecalls when I realized their customer service are nothing but "puppets" whereas collections has the power to approve changes in your account.
5. Lack of intuition. Your payment got transferred to another account and it's not your fault. You have notified the bank what happened and then, somebody from the bank "collects" for my unremitted dues.

I'm going to write an angry letter to SCB anytime soon probably as soon as I'm closing my account. Too bad my payroll is there.

For the past few days of rethinking my goals in life, I started considering the factors that may stop me from reaching it. First of all, it's my lack of self-discipline. I hardly focus on anything for more than 5 minutes. To tell you honestly, I rarely finish something in one sitting. It requires a lot of golly-bumping with officemates, a lunchbreak and several yosi sessions. Second, I'm a relaxed procrastinator. Sometimes, I can get creative by being constructive about it to make myself finish some work but neverthelese, it still worries me. I needed pressure to make myself productive. Third, I have a short-term memory. I read a lot of material but I tend to forget them as I try to recall the moment I needed them. I don't do well on exams because I forget formulas and facts, thus explains why I hate trigonometry and history subjects.

I'm not sure if I can say I'm a convoluted person given these imperfections. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who are in the worst position than I'm in. But as much as I'd like to say I'm normal person, I'm not. Why? I don't even know what motivates me and keeps me going? The gratification of work is only temporary but it can't feed my inner fire. I'm not even sure if I'll ever pass that marshmallow test as I can't even control my hedonistic desires for my own good. I feel like an under-achiever as I have always been when I was in college. I feel I can't do anything at all. But I can't choose to rot in the corner given all these. I have to do something about it.

I need help. Serious mental help.

As I read some material on self-help in through the internet, I found out that most of our difficult behaviours are rooted on something that made us trigger these to happen. On my lack of self-discipline, I never understood the idea of work and rewards. I only work when I feel like it. Also, I always have this impression that work = punishment since I was a kid. My parents would make me stay late at night and study under their strict supervision. Since they are tired from work they didn't even have the patience to tutor me and didn't even reward me for my hard work. On procrastination, I'm a perfectionist that I never get to finish anything simply because I'm not satisfied with how I'm doing it. Also, there's always that fear of failure which holds me back in trying the things I wanted to do. On my short-term memory, I think that is hereditary.

As my first step, I should try to accept these things that causes me to do my bad behaviours. Accepting these will help me understand myself and be on guard when I starting on such behaviours.

My second step, enroll at a power memory to solve my short term memory. They guarantee to have my money back and so I'm willing to try it out. Also, I should start to practice myself mentally on focusing myself to work on something productive and reward myself, probably an early trip home or a pint of dairy queen tonight. I should start trying to find the things that motivates me and feed myself as a form of reward for my hard work.

Final step, inform my friends about my problem and see how they can help me. Doing self-help alone has the higher chances of sliding back to my old behaviour and keeping yourself in check with other people's help will help me accelarate my recovery.

Wish me luck.

There is this song that I've been looking for ages. It's in classical guitar that was played sa a background music in one of the segments in Sesame Street. Don't get me wrong. The segment features a close-up view of fresh sunflower in monochrome. You might think it is nonsense but somehow my virginal senses struck me as profound. Since then I was looking for that song, every record bar I go I would look guitar titles until this afternoon when I thought I totally forgot about it.

It was Vivaldi Andante Guitar Concerto in D which came from a classical CD that was bought out of impulse purchase a month ago. Galing!

M	Mushy
O	Organic
N	Nerdy
I	Insane
C	Charismatic
A	Accurate
I	Innocent

I love to read. I really do. But it is just that the way I react with tech books is like the way I react with bedtime stories. Lala-land for me after 4 pages.

Shit. How can I learn with such short tolerance for the "supposedly" good stuff?

I feel so accomplished today thanks to Procastination. I was able to finish off a one-month low priority project that started about a year ago. Thanks to constant bugging and increasing pressure from the Fundamentals team upstairs. I was also able to guesstimate how slow the db automated update processes run on the backend when I found out that an old bug solved by itself.