Simple Pleasures

It's been raining all day. I used to love this kind of weather especially when I'm in my bed, tucked under the sheets, enjoying the coolness of weather. However today, as I wear my heart on my sleeve, I couldn't help feeling sad as I recollected upon the series of events that has during the past week.

Probably a lover's betrayal is one of the best ingredients to strengthen one's character but having more than one in a lifetime is just too much. After getting out from one, I jumped into another relationship, promising not to make the same mistakes I made. I gave everything I had including my heart, my wallet and my life. Like any fool, I wanted to think everything went out perfectly. I turned my blind eye on his flaws that may affect us. I have done everything I could to stay, even if all my friends and family thought that there is no hope on a man who doesn't know how to fight his own demons.

Last Monday, after seeing enough proof of his philandering ways, I've grew weary for this kind of game. For someone who has invested too much and now burned in the process, it is right for me to think that I do not deserve this kind of treatment. So on that day, I broke up with him to redeem myself before I implicate myself from further pain. All I worked for in the relationship has gone out of the window.

As the rain heavily pours, my spirit drowns in sorrow. Whenever my heart experience such a great loss, my spirit cries along with it. I couldn't help feeling a certain kind of regret because I spent too much time trying to stand by him and hoping everything will be ok when I should have walked out the door the first time I knew he was already cheating on me.

Soon, this irony will come to an end. Life is like a ball, when you go up, you have to go down and whenever you go down, you'll bounce back. It is a balance of all things: good and evil, luck and misfortune. One day, I will be back to normal and walk away from this misery.

After drinking and throwing up in some bar I wouldn't dare name, I think I'll take a breather on drinking until I bring a doggy bag with me.....to cover my face while I walk out the bar.

There is no such thing as second chances when there's nothing left in the relationship but little shards of trust and a bough full of broken promises. Pressing it on would be a mockery created by two foolish people with only disaster waiting at their doorstep.

I went to my uncle's 25th wedding anniversary and it was nice to see some old friends and relatives. Helen is now in a bank in Makati and Rita is in the same building as hers. Anna is still Anna. Janet has given birth to a bouncing baby boy and waiting for her baby to grow up before flying to the States. Some people never changed since the last time I saw them 2 years ago and it was wonderful to see friendly faces after such a long long time.

It is there that I realized how much a relationship can affect someone that I almost forgot the people who matters the most. Now that I have time in my hands, I'll spend every minute with my dear friends and family who I really belong to.

Starting today, I'm embracing back the ways of being single. No more philandering boyfriends. No expensive dinners and gifts. No more awkwardness towards relatives. No more pleasing of raw "in-laws". No more crash diets. No more senseless arguments. No more sticking to such a pathetic monogamous relationship.

So now I say hello to unbridled freedom of feminine singlehood which includes shopping, hanging out with girlfriends, more shopping, eating what you want, staying up till brink of dawn, drinking etc, etc, etc. Dating will not be exactly on my priority list. I'm still pissed off from my previous relationship. I think I'm taking myself a breather on relationships and do my long-due soul-searching. Who knows? I might end up being Mother Teresa or something.

So nice to hear your favorite songs playing in my very nice speakers. Hihihi.

The conviction of settling down and committing with your lifetime partner is just a matter of being at the right place, at the right time with the right person.

You see, humans are such amazing and complex creatures because of their ability to adapt into the different phases in their life. From being an infant to adulthood, there are so many things that every human being has to pass through. There are the so-called formative years, ranging from physical, mental, sexual and even emotional. These things have been inculcated into our minds as humans to achieve our needs in order to survive. And when we have these all, we go to the next step that is doing the most amazing thing that any man can do: celebrating life by building his own family.

However, this requires a certain level of self-awareness. If a single man is not satiated with his lust for life as a bachelor, he is not ready to be tied down. Same thing applies to the single women. If they are not satiated with the things they want to achieve during their single life, they are not ready to build a family. Because it will always be at the back of their heads thinking about what if they have done things differently and didn't let family life hinder the things they want to do. It is only a matter of time before they realize that they had to do something more in their life and that's when they take that next step.

It also takes the right person to compel us to settle down. A friend of mine, before she met her fiancé a few months ago, has a different mindset when it comes to life. She wanted to be independent and to be successful in her career. In fact, things are going along her way and her success is inevitable. But after her trip from the States and met her husband-to-be, her perspective was totally changed. She said that once you meet the one, her plans for herself has totally disappeared and became convinced to settle down to one man who turned her life around.

I've heard stories from people who used to be married, saying that they got married out of wedlock, to find out that they find married life so inhibiting. And it is sad that families are separated just because they let their disappointments in life and love get in the way of their family.

So my advice, it is only a matter of time when you want to take that step and the right person to spend with for the rest of your life. Don't allow yourself to be pressured just because you're getting too old to get into a relationship. Listen to yourself and if you feel the slightest hesitation, don't let yourself be trapped.........not until you are completely sure.

1. Kitchie Nadal - This album will be given to me as a Christmas gift from my beloved team.
2. Bamboo's As The Music Plays Special Edition - I've ripped a copy but will be buying one very very soon. Check out their version of "Waiting In Vain". Way better than MYMP live version which is sobrang "pweh".
3. Inuman Sessions vol. 1 by Parokya Ni Edgar - I bought this during lunch today after being bugged for weeks by a friend who is also a Parokya fan and whom his Bamboo's album I've ripped. It was after few minutes in his car that I realized that every single cent spent on the album was definitely worth it.
4. Dramachine by SugarFree - This, on the other hand, is still subject to further scrutiny.