Simple Pleasures

Whenever I read blogs online, I always hear nice stories of people who took time to write nice things that is happening in their everyday lives. Sometimes I wished I have that kind of optimistic outlook in life to inspire me to write my entries that way.

But sometimes I felt that writing in a happy tone bores me and I felt that entries won't even spark enough interest for readers to wonder what the writer was thinking. Either being happy sound so ordinary or I hardly had time to stop and live me life the way any happy human would.

So I have a plan. I should write something nice every single day. Even if it is includes a mish mash sort of mushy enough for your taste, I believe I can stir up a paragraph or two just to tell how my day turned out and the great things that I encountered during the day. Though my humor maybe warped to the point that martians can interpret it for you, lest be assured that this space will be getting more activity than my average hitting average for the past 4-5 months.

So guys, better watch this space soon.

Celebrated by monicai at 7:14 PM ~

As the old saying goes "what you don't know won't hurt you", I have always have been very selective of the things to say to people around me. I only say things that are shallow, harmless and totally presposterous. Though things we say reflects on how credible we are, I chose to hold my credibility as far as my profession is concerned but otherwise, everything I say can only be taken a grain of salt except for a very few people who I take seriously.

And why is that? I am far too serious in my life only to take more serious relationships at hand. Work has been extremely taxing that almost consumes most of my energy and I am even lucky to hold a few relationships whilst they complain about me being a workaholic. Given this case, I chose to detach myself to friends and family and only appear once in a blue in my cheerful, carefree self. I always wanted to be remembered as someone who is just as happy as everyone else. But maroon me in an island with any of them and a laptop, I would resort to be with a laptop than keeping a conversation.

My inability to keep a conversation and keeping loved ones in a loop has always been a challenge. I grew up with a career mom and a silent patient father and being in a middle of two brothers, I have always lived my childhood fending for myself. We hardly kept had a family life. People found me weird due to my inability to be "normal" due to my dysfunctional background. I'm more aloof than warm except if I am in the mood. I found it more convenient that putting that extra effort to connect with everyone.

A friend and my fiancee found my inept personal communication skills frustrating. I continuously fail to respond to their "need" to be needed and loved. And when they ail their frustration, I fail to respond correctly. All along I thought, I had enough EQ to be understanding and patient to people, yet I failed to respond and empathize to their emo needs.

The sad truth is that I am tempted to say what my former colleague used to say before : "I don't care because I'm not a carebear". However, I still have some compassion left in me to care inside my dense, insensitive core of my being. Yes, I am hurt too. I am hurt for being my old pathetic self. I guess am one of those losers who can express themselves more in blogs, IMs, tweets than saying it in person no matter how pathetic it sounds.

What will happen to me? I don't know. I cannot promise to be a better person but I will always try. However, if this just keep repeating by itself, I have no choice but to resign from any futile attempt to become a better person and will resort to a cell phone device, a laptop, internet connection and a life of lonely, single frigid person.

Celebrated by monicai at 8:18 AM ~